Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
