her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
