guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
