i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
