She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
