I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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