this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
