remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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