The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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