Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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