I think my vagina is haunted
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
