Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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