I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
