You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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