Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
