I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
