someone threw a dead crab at me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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