I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
