it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
third nipple confirmed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
