Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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