Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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