fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
