Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
