Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
