I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
