I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
