can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
