Do you still have your period?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
