Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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