my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
