Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
