i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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