and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
