so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
