So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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