My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't notice because vodka
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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