I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize