she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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