So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
