I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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