I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
