HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
