theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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