My room smells like vodka and shame
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
