I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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