im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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