This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
