i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
