If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
