I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
