My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she told me i tasted like america
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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