I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
