a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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