ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
