i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
