You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
