the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
