Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
