She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
