I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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