It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
