I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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