so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
