Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
