I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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