we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
