for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
