no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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