Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just cropdusted the office
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize