This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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