i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
