fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
