I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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