u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
