Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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