And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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